Tournaments You're Not At

Yes, grammar nerds, I realize that "Tournaments You're Not At" is grammatically inaccurate, but "Tournaments At Which You Are Not Present" didn't flow quite as well. If you've put up with my fragment sentences, made-up words, and use of commas as if they are going out of style, a phrase I never understood, then I'm sure you'll forgive me, yes? Cool.

Anyway, I was getting "untopical" for a second there. Now, for those of you who are not grammar nerds (like, 2 of you), your first thought was probably, "We like tournaments that we're not at? I thought homeschoolers were like, 'Compete at ALL the tournaments!' so why would you like one you weren't competing in?" That's a good question. Have you ever not been at a tournament? Have you ever obsessively checked online or texted or called someone to see how your friends are doing? Are you notorious for stalking results on speechranks? Hmmm? I thought as much.

First, checking online. Do you know that some people actually push and shove their way through the postings line just to take pictures of postings and put them online so that everyone can see them? You probably did. 'Cause it's true. And everyone appreciates it, because everyone's obsessed with the tournaments they're not attending. We want to know how our friends are doing. And if other people want to tell us, yay for them!

Sometimes we text or call people. Last year, my friend and I were hanging out over at her house while a tournament was going on. I kept making fun of how often she would answer her phone to hear who just broke and then freak out. I, being a non-debater who hadn't even heard of these teams, didn't care and made fun of her. A year later, aka last week, I definitely texted her to get breaks and then she called me and I got excited and also lamented with her and yea, I know. I'm such a hypocrite. Well, I would be, but I don't tease her any more.

I used to think I was the only speechranks stalker, but I've been disproven repeatedly. It doesn't even extend to only competitors, because you can totally stalk tournaments. I love seeing the people of really tiny tournaments who win, like, 8 of the 9 events they have. You know, the sort of tournaments where only 3 people get checkmarks in each event. Those are great. The big tournaments are really fun too, because I love seeing people get tons of points, even though I keep moving down on the speechranks list as they move up, which is annoying, but whatever. It's still fun. I like seeing really good teams that win tournaments and then I'm like, hey! We debated them! I feel less bad for losing now! And then sometimes, I see a team win a really small tournament, and I'm like, hey! We debated them! I feel awesomer for winning now!

Even tournaments we don't attend can be exciting, because whether our friends are there or just people we almost know, we can get into the tournament mode too. And that's fun.

You're homeschooled. 'Cause that's where it's at.