Wednesday, November 28, 2012

The Best Value Ever

I'm an LDer, as of previously, and I recently debated in my first real live LD tournament. I learned that I've got a lot to learn. One such area in which I've got some learnin' to do is values.

Values are an important part of Lincoln-Douglas VALUE debate. Obviously. And there are several kinds of values a person can run. At the last tournament, I had one on the negative, like the vast majority of LDers do, but I think I'll tweak it before the next tournament. Just a tad. See, it seemed kind of of narrow. No hope of subsuming Aff's value, which is what all the cool kids are doing these days. Next time, I want something bigger, better, and with which I can say,
"Haha Aff! My value's bigger than yours! It just ate yours up like this: omnomnomnomnomnom."

(that is, when I'm not too busy pirating, which with any luck, and I have usually have approximately zero ounces of luck, will be all the time)

But I couldn't think of what value to run. I mean, I could go with Human Dignity or Human Rights or Individual Rights or National Security or the protection of those things or all those other values that mean basically the same thing but everyone's running those so they seemed way too mainstream for this blogger. I knew, of course, that there was only one possible solution: I must invent a value of my own.

Now, don't think I'm too crazy. Yet. It won't be totally new. I mean, you can't really invent a value from scratch. If no one's ever valued it before, where on earth would you find applications? The Google and Wikipedia would not be that helpful. But don't worry. I will have no trouble with a lack of apps under my new value.

Okay, okay, I'll tell you what is. But you can't tell anyone. Pinky swear? Cool.
Judge, the value that I will championing in this round is

The Protection of Natural Individual Just Secure Free Human Dignity and Rights Including the Right to Life, Liberty, Property, The Pursuit of Happiness, Chocolate, Forensics and Homeschooling

With a criterion of The Moral Natural Social Contract Law(s) including the 4th Amendment, of course.

I know, I know. It's perfect. I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner.

And then I realized something. Wait a second, self, I said to myself. This value is exactly what everyone else is running. But with a longer title.

So now I refuse to change the title because it's the only thing satisfying the hipster in me and even if my clubmates and peers may raise strong objections, I don't care. And I don't know why they would because it's the best value ever, of course.

But isn't it funny how everyone likes to run the same values with different names and pretend like they're different? Natural Rights, Human Rights, Human Dignity... unless you're running Nat Sec in the truest, Communistest sense of the word or something else that's totally bizarre, your value is probably a variation of these. I think it's funny. I'm terribly amused, but then, that's non-unique.

What, then, truly is the best value ever? I'd certainly urge a ballot in favor of TPNIJSFHDRIRLLPTPHCF&H, but just in case you find that difficult to flow, I suggest that the best value ever is the one that you love because if you love it, maybe other people will too. Awww. Values are so adorable sometimes.

I could talk about anti-values, valuing a word used in the resolution or going with a direct-refutation approach and having no value at all, but I won't. Maybe later. I'm too busy thinking about the chocolate from Halloween that I've hidden from my parents in a secret place. I value that chocolate.

WAIT A SECOND. I thought I was done with this post, but as I was proof-reading it, something I tend to be bad at, I realized that I finally found a link between privacy (freedom from unauthorized intrusion) and chocolate in the aforementioned stash! Best case idea ever.

You're homeschooled. I value you also.

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