Thursday, July 17, 2014

It's Been Fun

I've had enough people start to ask me questions like, "So... your blog...?" that I felt it was fitting to give some kind of "here's what happened to the blog" post. 

This is it. Welcome. Take a seat. I'm not quite sure how long and sappy it will be but it's not a bad idea to get comfortable and put on some non-distracting instrumental music.

Ok cool. Hi. It's possible you haven't heard from me in a while. Why is that?

Well, perhaps you picked up on this, but I graduated. That was over a year ago, actually. I anticipated keeping up the blog for that year because I would still be involved in the Stoa community, which I was, but it became harder to write when speech and debate wasn't my life any more. Don't get me wrong, I still love it, but it wasn't me. I wasn't super motivated to write. I stopped thinking about speech and debate every day, and mostly thought about it on Monday nights when I coached. I stopped having stress dreams about showing up to tournaments without script submission and started having stress dreams about showing up to work with, well, inadequate clothing. I stopped worrying about wanting to win rounds because taking debate really seriously started seeming silly, because I felt so much older than the twelve year-olds who were on the losing side, and it seemed weird to want to beat them. But I loved speech and debate, and I loved this blog. This was who I was, a Christian homeschooled speech and debate kid.

And then, I wasn't. 

But I was for a while. And it was so fun to write about. I started this blog in April 2011-ish, or at least that's when I started the blogspot page. It's based off an HI I did my sophomore year, Stuff Christians Like. Sometimes people reference a specific thing that Christians like that I mentioned in my speech, and I don't remember talking about that thing, because that speech feels like at least ten years ago. 

Last Tuesday someone asked me if I could demonstrate an interp I did for a bunch of novices I was teaching. I told her I couldn't. I told her I hadn't done interps in years. 

But it hasn't been years. It's been a year. It just feels like so long ago. 

Writing blog post ideas on post-it notes mid-debate round feels like a long time ago, too. 

I stopped writing this blog a long time ago. But I never told you about that. I won't be so narcissistic as to assume you've noticed a lack of posts, but if you're reading this, you probably have. 

I'm thrilled with the impact it had. It's had an impact on you maybe, and it's definitely had an impact on me. I still call Policy debate "Policy" because I said I would on this blog, so, that's at least one impact. I'm thrilled that people can reference "CHSADKs" and assume their readers or listeners know what they mean and potentially be correct. I'm thrilled people read it, still talk about it, think I'm funny, and ideally, learned something. If not, read the Not Giving Up post. I love that my former debate partner is still upset that I called him "monochromatic," even though I think he knows what that means. I love going back and reading my old posts, crazy as that sounds, like the ECD scorecard, because now Shy Guy is now one of the most outgoing people I know, and also I've forgotten most of the categories so I'm genuinely entertaining myself here. I love the guest posts, I love the LD secret society, I love the honesty this blog allowed me. I love SCHSADKL because it's about people I love. Some I used to be terrified of and/or had competitor crushes on, but now we're friends. Some were the alumni that adopted me, but now we're alumni friends and I guess I'm adopting other people. I love that I can tell people stories and they're like, yea, we know this story, and I'm like, oh yea, I think it was on my blog. I love that they read that thing. I love that I've grown as a writer and potentially a person in terms of personal betterment if not stature. I love this all of it the whole thing.

But I'm not the person I was when I started writing. There were competitors months ago who already didn't know who I was, and I had just graduated. There are people who have talked to me about DIs without knowing that's kinda my thing to, at least, some extent. I'm now the arguably intimidating alumni judge instead of the arguably intimidating competitor, or fairly unknown competitor, or any of the things I used to be. I'm not sure I'm a grown-up yet but it's only a matter of time. 

And for some strange reason, that's okay. 

I'm moving to Michigan which means less judging and coaching and whatnot. It'll be different. I'll be different.

But thanks for being here. I'm glad we were both able to make it. It really means a lot. It's weird, but I couldn't have done it without you. This blog isn't going anywhere, it's just not growing, if you feel me.

I needed to tell it goodbye.

You're homeschooled, and I hope you never, ever forget