Saturday, March 9, 2013

Records Ending in Zero

Ok, so I did math, you guys, and determined that I attended 12 different tournament without losing a single debate round.

That's right. Feel free to act shocked and awed.

Yup. It's a great feeling. You're homeschooled, and

You know, I thought of cutting the post off here, or maybe just diverging into how great it feels to go undefeated for a tournament or twelve, but instead I decided that I ought to tell you that, as you probably guessed, I didn't actually compete in... one of those tournaments.

And I may have kind of sort of only done speeches and not debate at the other eleven.
Whooosh. There goes my credibility.

(apparently credibility always makes a "whooshing" sound when it leaves. It's really too bad that I know that.)

So okay, I've never been undefeated at a tournament where I actually competed in debate, but that's certainly always the goal. Well, a goal. I have a lot of goals, such as getting a winning record in debate, winning an event, qualifying in stuff, and not leaving my name tag in any rooms when I'm done speaking, all of which, I am happy to say, I have so far achieved. Especially the last one because man, that thing is really easy to forget. The key, by the way, is to take it off right before you speak and give it to the timer before asking if everyone is ready. That way you remember to get it later when you're shaking the timer's hand. But I digress.

Ending up with a record like 6-0 or greater is an admirable ambition. I have invented a few strategies on how to not only win all of your rounds, but also not lose any. However, because I would feel at least a little bit bad about encouraging you to bribe your judges, your opponents, the tab people, the tournament director, whoever does speechranks, and/or the guy who narrates the award ceremony, I'll have to leave you with one actual suggestion: win and don't lose. Wait, that was two actual suggestions. You're welcome. Feel free to give me credit for all of your oncoming victories.

What are some advantages, as they say, about obtaining a record which ends in zero? I am glad you asked.

Advantage 1) Increased Credibility
We've already determined that my credibility has long been whooshed away, but I bet if I actually did go 6-0 once or twice, people would finally take my advice seriously, which apparently doesn't happen if you're a non-alumni or have lost say, 10 rounds this year. Lose none of them and suddenly you're credibility zings up at an alarming speed. (note: zing is the opposite of whoosh. I bet you didn't know that.)

Advantage 2) Everyone is Scared to Death of You
There are multiple reasons why, at the very first round of my very first LD tournament, my jaw dropped at the sight of the dreaded postings. It wasn't because my opponent was incredibly tall and makes me look like some kind of doll, though that may have been a contributing factor. Nope, it was because I was scared to death of that guy. Then I began to laugh quietly to myself because I would hit him in the very first round of my very first LD tournament, but the point is, I was scared not only because he was tall but because he had won a lot of rounds and been undefeated a bunch. It's scary. But in a good way for him, because you want people to be at least a little bit scared of you because it means you're good but not so scared that they won't ever talk to you.

Advantage 3) More Confidence
Confidence, along with cases, flowpads, pens, and, I'm convinced, Post-It Notes, is a key, key factor in winning rounds. My sister will add smiling to that list because she really likes to tell me to smile all the time and will tell me that her advice is what caused me to finally start getting winning records, and that's why she gets mad if I'm not constantly smiling in a round, but I will remind her that smiling is inappropriate when talking about people dying and besides, I already included it in confidence. Go 6-0, never worry about anything ever again ever at least that pertains to debate although you shouldn't worry anyway, and although you'll never go 6-0 without some confidence in the first place, it does help increase confidence in the future, I imagine.

Yup. It's a great feeling. Probably.

You're homeschooled, and that's O-K with me.