Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Being Terrified of Certain Competitors

There's this one debater, and one of my good friends might know which one I mean, because I've repeatedly mentioned to her how very afraid I am of having to debate him sometime. I used to think it was an irrational fear. I have a lot of those, such as not having anything to say in Cross-Ex, the other team stealing the copy I lent them of the 1AC, or pens running out of ink mid-round and so forth. But the more I watched this debater debate, the more I became convinced that it would be far more silly of me to not be quaking in my tournament heels at the prospect of seeing my name next to his on postings. Really, it's bad.

But I still stalk him at tournaments because, for years, he's been one of my favorites to watch. Is that weird? Maybe. I mean, yea, probably, it is weird. But stalking aside, it's definitely probably normal for us to be terrified of certain competitors, and admire those competitors all the same. Why? Well, the fist question to ask is, why are we afraid of them? The answer is generally because they're really great. And it's difficult to not admire really great people. Additionally, how do you know for certain they're really great? By stalking watching them.

Now that that's been cleared up and/or made more confusing, let's talk about what makes a person worthy of your terror. Hey, you know what I haven't done in ten years? A scorecard. For those of you who didn't read this blog a decade ago, a scorecard is a blogging technique that I pirated where you add up stuff based on stuff. Okay, are we good? Here goes:

You should probably be afraid of a competitor if he/she:
  • Is several feet taller than you +2
  • Is several feet shorter than you +3
  • Comes out of their own DI room in tears +1
  • Leaves the judges in Impromptu dying of laughter +2
  • Is a senior +1
  • Is not a senior but you wish they were +3
  • Could pass for 35 years old +2
  • Has 25 older siblings who also competed +3
  • Won a timer award +2
  • Won Novice Impromptu at least one year ago +2
  • Has people in tab +2
  • Is friends with a lot of alumni +3
  • Writes for those colorful books we all own +3
  • Has won a speech event +2
  • Has won a speech event at Nationals +3
  • Has won multiple speech events +3
  • Has won multiple speech events at the same tournament +4
  • Has won multiple speech events at Nationals +7
  • Has won LD +3
  • Has won TP +2 (because then both partners get 4 and that seemed fair somehow)
  • Should have won TP or LD and everyone (but the the judges) knows it +6
  • Could get away with something you can't (like doing Impromptu without a roadmap, running a weird case, having a 12 minute speech, or wearing Converse into rounds) +5
  • Has been in the top 60 on speechranks +1
  • Has been in the top 10 on speechranks +5
  • Has been competing for at least two years +1
  • Has been competing for at least three years +2
  • Is a super senior +4
  • Works on speeches and cases in the summer +2
  • Writes speeches and cases days before the tournaments and breaks +4
  • Has a weird name that everyone knows how to pronounce because we've heard it so many times at breaks +2
  • Is named "Stephen/Steven," "Jonathan," or "Hannah" +3
  • Competes in all three kinds of IEs and debate +3
  • Wrote a Guest Post for SCHSADKL +3 (no, seriously)
  • Has more trophies than they can remember +4
  • Is also a really good singer +1
  • Has won camp tournaments +2
  • Is often quoted by small children who love their speech(es) +3
  • Is often quoted by actual competitors who love their speech(es) +4
  • Is often quoted regarding things they said in a debate round once +5
  • Will still be talked about years after they graduate +7
  • Is really nice and humble and smart and awesome +10

If the competitor has 10 or less, then you should be friends with them (well, that's true regardless of points), but you don't have to be scared.
If the competitor has 11-25, be a little worried.
If the competitor has 26-50, be more worried.
If the competitor has 51-100, be afraid.
If the competitor has more than 100 points, be very afraid.
If the competitor has 138 points, run away screaming.

Well, that's my list. What would you add?

You're homeschooled, and that would probably scare a lot of people.

1 comment: