Monday, April 1, 2013

Complaining About Judges and Saying Mean Things About Them

(Hi. This post was posted on April Fool's Day. I don't actually think you should complain about judges and/or say mean things about them. Half of this post should not be taken seriously. kthanks.)

This is an actual Photoshopped duplication of an actual ballot which I actually received in an outround at a recent tournament. (because it seemed like making one would take less time than locating and scanning in the original document. I was probably wrong.)

Don't believe everything you read on the internet, but this ballot actually exists.

Yep. It's what it looks like. This judge moved me from 1st to 5th & Below (actually, 7th). I would like to take a moment to thank the other two judges who ranked me highly and allowed me to break anyway. Thank you, other two judges.

Now. The fact is, we're not always as lucky as I was. In fact, most people, myself included, are not always as lucky as I was. Judges can be so frustrating sometimes. They rank you down for really bad reasons, give you the loss because they liked the other guy's tie better, complain about physical attributes you can't change, and sometimes literally flip a coin or decide completely randomly rather than making a logical decision. It's frustrating.

That's why we complain. And complain and complain and complain. It doesn't really matter if it's against your club policy, or if your coach keeps saying the judge is always right and any reason you're losing is your own fault and you should try to improve. Everything is clearly not your fault, and you should definitely continue to say mean things about your judges.

Yea, I guess some judges are good. I mean, the other two I had in that round I mentioned above were cool. They're nice people, and they had good, well-thought out things to say. And I know you're probably thinking, "Well, Chandler, everything worked out. I mean, you got a low ranking, but you still broke to finals and ended up taking 2nd place in that event. So this clearly confused judge doesn't really deserve a harsh reaction, and the ballot had no effect on anything. And even if it did, move on. It's just one round and one little high school tournament that has no impact on the rest of your life."

Hmph. No. I don't want to think that way. I'd rather simmer in my anger. Because let's be honest, it's really fun to complain about that 2% of our ballots which are clearly unfair and bad. Well, maybe not fun exactly. It kind of makes you feel angry and mad. But we do it anyway for some reason, so it must be ok.

You're homeschooled, so... yea whatever.


  1. The best part IS when you get two judges who give you first and one judge who gives you last. And it goes like:

    You: [opening the three ballot set]...hmmm [reading first ballot]
    You: Fifth and Below?? From First? Whaaa??? I guess it WAS a tough room
    [rationalizing...then deciding to check the other ballots]
    You: Hey! First! [flips to next ballot] and First again!
    You: HA! Take that random mean judge! You shoulda stuck with your first guess! Just like on the SAT!
    [This is always the point you go back and scrutinize the judge's name to remember what he/she looked like so you can visualize the object of your disdain]

  2. Once in impromptu I got a judge who circled 5th and Below, and then proceeded to write "8th".
    I normally don't complain about judges, and I probably deserved it since that was a terrible impromptu speech, but seriously! They didn't even write their full name.
    I will never forgive them for that.
    ...Even though I am qualified for NITOC in both of my speech events my first year...

  3. ha. this is so true....complaining is cathartic.
    venting online, now THAT'S therapy! :P