Saturday, December 31, 2011

Judges That Don't Remember You (When You Don't Want Them To)

So there's this one guy. And every time I see him, I think, "Oh no! It's THAT guy," and I'll tell you why in a second, because here's what else I think: "Oh no. I remember that guy. He's an alumni. He judged me. I remember when he judged me. I remember that round, that horrible, awful round. It was at debate camp last summer. It was like my (mumbles to self) 6th round ever. The opponents were amazing and had won tournaments and stuff. And they beat us badly. Mostly me, because I had just given what was possibly the world's worst 1AR. THAT guy probably remembers that 1AR. How could anyone forget? Oh gosh, he probably hates me. I don't want to talk to that guy."

So I don't. Except you know how sometimes you're in a situation where you kind of just have to talk to someone? Well, after a few times of nearly effortless avoidance, that happened. And he said: "Hi. What's your name?" And I said Chandler, which is true. Soon someone said something about this being my first year of debate and THAT guy looked genuinely interested and almost nice and then said, "You do debate? That's cool. You'll love it."

All of a sudden an internal voice of reason that should have been there all along ever since that infamous day in late August came booming in my ears. Judges don't hate you if they vote against you. They don't hold a grudge if you give a bad speech. They forgive you without even feeling like they've been wronged. Often, they don't even remember you later. Which is awesome.

I'm the kind of person that often wishes I was a lot cooler and famouser than I am. Obviously, by definition, I am not. It's a weird feeling to wish that people would forget me, but its a feeling felt by myself nonetheless. I wish my judges would have their memories erased the instant the ballot leaves their fingers (or before, if it means voting for me). I wish my judges would forget my name and what I look and sound like so I never feel awkward around them again. I wish they would all sort of disappear, or maybe that I would. Sometimes. Sometimes I feel really great after a round and hope a judge goes home and writes in his journal and blog and on Facebook about how I won and then never forgets. But that doesn't happen very often.

Oh, by the way. Fun fact: Sometimes, the judges that do remember you and remember voting against you feel bad afterwards. My mom judged a round with two guys on the neg (ironically, one was the brother of THAT guy who judged me) and she really didn't like their Counter Plan and ended up voting against them fair and square. She remembered them later, and felt really bad and hoped they didn't know who she was. It was kind of like how I hoped none of the judges from my bad rounds remembered me, which is interesting.

You're homeschooled. I'd remember you, unless you'd rather I didn't, and then I won't.

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